he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
