if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
