If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize