is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
