Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
