Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
