her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Houston, we have a blender
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
