haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
