When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
