Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
