Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
