you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
