In the future we'll all be gay
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
