true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
