bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
