How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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