my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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