would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Panties = found
Randomize
