I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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