May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
