just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
