her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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