she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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