remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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