I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
my poor anus
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
