Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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