Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
