White coat. Heels.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
