i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
