I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
