i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
