I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
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I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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