so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
