His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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