just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
