dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
