I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.