Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
