He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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