Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Verdict: uncircumcised.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
