I can tuck mytits in my pants
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
