I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
