why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
