I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
