I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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