11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
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We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
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We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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