I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
