Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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