Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
