mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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