Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
