Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
