Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
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Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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