I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
