I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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