New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
