I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
