I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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