Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize