I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
