The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
