Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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