How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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