The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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