I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
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PS: I just woke up from my shower
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.