walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.