Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.