There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
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To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger