you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
