If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
