The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
