i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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