can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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