Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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