i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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