i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
